Worried Shoes...

Well, it seems as though I am laying in bed listening to the soothing sounds of Where The Wild Things Are.  A lot has been happening, and I'm not really sure what to do.  Really it's petty stuff, but even the little, almost pointless dramas of life can tear you up.  A friend of mine seems to think we're no longer friends, and it kinda hurts.  Friendship is a beautiful thing, and everyone needs it.  I was never faund on opening up to others, but I slowly let that fear go.  I want someone to tell me what a best friend is.  It used to be my mom, but then I tried to branch out and trust friends my own age, who were dealing with the same issues.  That didn't really get me anywhere.  I know that blogging about this won't really help, but it's what is on my mind.  I kind of wish I could rewind, rewind to when times were simpler.  When I was a young lass, and didn't have a care in the world, except for which crayon color would work best, and which Barbie I wanted to take with me to school.  A time when nap time was a requirement, and learning how to tie shoes was all the rage!  Although I enjoy this "adulthood", I sometimes wish I could be little again.  I really like being able to go out on the town, and crank up the music while riding around with friends.  I love people watching on campus, and gossiping in Starbucks.  But sometimes, when the drama and miscommunications get to be too much, I want to revert back to childhood.  I don't know what it is.  Being an adult is suppose to be free and uplifting, but I'm at a loss.  I've already had to grow up in so many ways, but also I am still such a naive child.  I don't mind it, actually.  Sometimes, I just wish people could be as happy and free as I try to be.  I know I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes, and I say stupid things.  I sometimes try too hard to please everyone, but excuse me for trying.  I'm sorry that you may think I have changed, but I hope it's for the best.  I hate losing friends, it's a fear of mine.  I also hate losing friends to stupid, pointless drama caused by Facebook or texting.  It also doesn't help that I listen to this sappy music by The XX, Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros, and the Where The Wild Things Are Soundtrack.  I miss the simple, sweet days of the summer too.  Although I hate the heat, times were easy: laying in the grass, reading, and listening to the wind chimes, or that lovely indie music on my ipod.  I know that we grow up, it's apart of life.  I know we lose ourselves sometimes, but I've tried really hard not to.  The pressure of being a young adult in college can be tough, but I know how to handle myself.  I am still the same Chanell, and I want people to know that.  My vocabulary may have changed, and I may wear a little more mascara, but I'm still me.  You may not see me for a month, but I would hope that you'd still see I'm the simple girl with a bow in my hair.  My hair may get bigger and frizzier, I may quote too much Very Mary-Kate, but I still am me.  Life has too many changes in it, don't worry about if I'll be different tomorrow.  I'll grow older with time, but my morals will still be the same.  Thank you very much, Alexander.  I hope that you would know this Jade is still the same.  I'm sorry for the time lost, but I still want to "laugh until we think we'll die..." and "watch things on VCR's".