Being Original Is Breathtaking.

I have this unsettling feeling. This sinking, kind of sick-at-my stomach feeling. It comes in waves, this feeling. 

I know that I am like no one else. My name, my hair, my laugh, my humor, my taste, it's all me. It's all unique. And I love that. But it's also quite lonesome and sometimes overwhelming.

I fear things. I fear that people aren't like me. That I am alone. And this becomes more evident with my track record of being 23 and never having been on a date, held hands, kissed, had a boyfriend, or any sort of intimacy with a man. 

I've came to the conclusion that I'm just so different. It's such a strange feeling. Knowing that my mind and my thought pattern is not like that of anyone I know. There are a select few who grasp my wit and sequence of thoughts, but there are those who look at me like I'm some sort of alien. And in a twisted way, I love that. I strive for that. I yearn for the chance to be different. To turn a head. Ya know?

Being original is breathtaking. It's refreshing. Being yourself.

There is a certain refreshing-ness about someone who is completely genuine. They are who they are, and have no reservations about what they like and what they don't. Trends aren't how they stay current. Popular culture plays little effect.

I came to the conclusion a long while ago that I honestly didn't care what others thought of me. Within reason. I am who I am. Labels do not define me. Society does not get the opportunity to make fun of me or tie me down. I have my own thoughts and feelings. My own emotions. My own likes and dislikes. 

As I become older, I can feel it more and more. This self love that I have. It envelopes me all the time. I am awesome. And I'm not conceited. I'm not cocky. Quite the opposite. I actually blush at any slight compliment or nice comment. I just laugh and smile. I'm terrible with it. Trust me. Try it. But with time, I have learned to love every ounce of myself. Inside and out. 

I am different, I am strange. I am unique, I am human. I am woman, hear me roar. Cliches and all. 

From my thick waist, to my long hair. My pouty bottom lip, my crooked teeth. My big feet, my loud mouth. My wide array of interests, my record collection. It's all what makes me who I am. And I am so thankful for it. 

I catch myself having two very different images of myself. One where I am some schmuck trying to get by in life, while looking and acting a complete fool. The other, a confident woman who knows who she is and what she wants. I chose to accept the latter. 

Life is difficult sometimes. Catching my reflection in a store window, seeing my larger frame. I've learned to embrace it. I've learned to understand each curve and wrinkle. I know that the mall is not my favorite place. I know that I'd rather pilfer through boxes of silk blouses at a yard sale, or flip through racks of high waisted skirts at the thrift stores. That's who I am. 

Love is difficult sometimes. I wind up in these vastly romantic scenarios when I'm by myself, or with a group of coupled off friends. It's awkward and lonely, but it's life. I've accepted it. I'm good at being single. I am able to go where I want and enjoy my life. My choices, my time, and I don't have to compromise. But sometimes I wish I had to compromise. Cooperate, rather. Having a romantic plus one would be nice. Being able to belt the lyrics to my favorite song at a show with a guy of my own would be rad. But hey, I do it on my own. And that's nice too. Being a realist and a hopeless romantic is quite the task. But I do it. And I own it. 

Work is difficult. So much pressure to be "successful," this subjective term. A world where degrees matter and money rules. And I'm just looking for happiness and enjoying the simple things in life. Whether that be listed on a career page, or right here in the comfort of my own home. Who knows. 

And that's what is so stellar. There doesn't need to be just black or white. (Like I said, cliches and all). I've learned that imperfections are abundant and common. Perfection is rare and kind of nonexistent. Quirks and jerks are all around us. Trust me. I choose to embrace this life. Love the skin that I'm in. Embark on each day as if it were a new journey, a time to celebrate and create. 

Who am I to judge another? I have always considered myself to be that of an open-minded person. To each their own. Sometimes there are more important things in life than to look to the world for validation. We're each given the opportunity to live and to love and to laugh. Do it. Press play, and embrace life for what it is. Revel in your one-of-a-kind-ness. For you are the only you in the entire planet. Dig that. I do. <3